I don't think I can do this...

I am not strong enough.

And I want to throw up.

I can't do this.

I can't even think about not talking to Cody for months on end.

I can't bear the thought of not being able to call him whenever I want.

I already have to do without him...I don't know if I can do without everything.

I am crying and in tears because that thought rips my heart to shreds.

I have opened my life and my heart to someone for the first time ever...

And now I have to do without him.

And manage to let him back in when he returns.

I hate the military.

This is why I SWORE I would never date someone in the military.

I don't think I can handle it.

I am not strong enough to be weak.

I am only strong when I don't have to feel anything.

I am not looking forward to months of crying because I can't do anything else.

I am not looking forward to not seeing him and hearing his voice.

I am not looking forward to doing everything on my own again.

Not having someone to talk to about everything everyday.

People make fun of others who have their significant other as their best friend.

But I don't care, Cody is my best friend.

And he worked hard for that spot in my heart and life.

But now he is going to be gone.

And I am going to feel alone.

God how am I going to do this?

I am not strong enough.

This thought torments me.

But then again, have I been strong enough for anything that has come against me? No.

Have I ever been able to do anything on my own strength? No.

I need God. And God is enough.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

God will give me strength. He will make me strong. He will help me get through.

That promise is the only thing keeping me from a complete break down.

From having a meltdown at work.

From crying and not stopping.

God help me. You are all I have.

Love,

The vulnerable side of me