Delicately strong...

What is strength? How are we strong?

I used to think I was strong. And I was. I could get through anything without anyone knowing what was going on. I could be broken without a single soul knowing. I could stand alone in a storm and not be overtaken by the wind and rain. I could attack the world alone and come out the winner. I was strong.

But I was harsh. I was cruel. I was undaunted and undefeated. I had a heart for others, I had compassion on them. I could fight their battles as well as my own. I could give them strength. But I couldn't accept it for myself. I had to be strong alone. By myself. Me, myself, and I could fix it. I don't need you.

I was like a cactus. If you got too close to my inside heart, I would stab you with a wound that would make you leave me alone for good. I would hurt you so you would leave. I didn't allow help, I didn't want it, and heaven forbid if you tried to give it to me, I might chop your head off. Okay so maybe I wouldn't chop your head off literally... But it would be pretty close to that.

I was fearless. I was brave. But I was alone.

And I was harsh. I was not someone that was beautiful on the inside. I was a warrior with a cold soul. I was that undaunted force with hollow eyes and a stone heart.

I have to ask myself, is that really strength?
Is being alone really being strong?
Is being harsh and cut off from the world really being strong?

Or is it barring your heart from people so they won't see that you really aren't strong?
Is being harsh really being strong?
Or is it just protecting your weakness?

I can't say that I am not that way anymore either. I still don't want people to help me. I still don't want to be weak. I still want to do everything on my own. Everything. By myself.

But where will that get me?

Eventually no one is going to stay in my life if I am harsh. No one can stand being around someone who will stab them with the needles around their heart. And I need people.

I need someone in battle with me. I need someone to know my heart and soul. I need someone who can hold me up when I have been shot at.

And honestly, I can't do life alone. I can't do life without someone next to me. I need a hand to hold sometimes to tell me that it is going to be okay. To remind me that I can get back up and try again tomorrow.

Being beautiful is strength. Not harsh and cold. Being warm and inviting that is true beauty and strength.

Letting the world see your joy and your pain, letting your heart be open and honest. Being vulnerable is stronger than being closed off. Strength is not being a lone island. Strength is being apart of a continent.

Next time the world causes you pain, don't deal with it alone. Let people see the storm you are in, let them see the struggle. Because then and only then can they see your victory. Being delicate in a cruel and awful world shows more strength than changing to be just like the world.