Having children...

Sometimes I get scared.

Mostly I get scared that when I have kids that my husband will get frustrated with me.
Or that I will suck as a mom.
Or that I will make mistakes that I swore I would never make.
I fear that I won't be able to handle the pain.
I don't want to think about having to lose my baby fat.
I don't want to think about not sleeping for days on end and looking like crap because I don't have energy to do anything.
I don't want to think about having to raise them and hope I am doing it right.
I don't want children.
But yet I do.
I want children to love and cherish.
I want them to hold and cuddle with.
I don't want them now.
I don't want them soon.
I want them like a million years from now.
Okay just kidding maybe in like 6 years.
But I want to be a better person before that happens.

Yeah just a random thought for the day.