Raise your glass...

Lately the topic of jealousy has been on my mind... It is one of the wounds that I did not realize were hurting me so deeply still.

You see, I have been there. I have walked the jealousy road. Well more like crawled, inched, and barely moved my way through.I have survived the jealous relationship. And I truly mean survived. And barely. I made it by the skin of my teeth.

Being in a jealous relationship is like walking around with a bomb that is about to detonate. Its like carrying around an egg on the tips of both your shoes and trying to run a marathon. It is constant fear and timidity.

And you have lost. You have lost your love. You have lost your friends. You have lost your freedom. You have lost it all.

Every single time you interact with a man other than your's, you think about how mad your man is going to be.
All you can think about is what punishment you are going to have when they find out.
And honestly, you are one wrong laugh, one second too long of a hug, one look away from an explosion. You are two centimeters from a break up, 24/7/364.

It is miserable.

And it destroys you.

It destroys your worth.

It destroys your heart.

And the wounds from jealously aren't easy to get rid of.

That fear of being punished, is not something you just get rid of with the next man that comes along.

It is something that sits in your mind.

Your worth is destroyed by jealousy.

Don't believe me?

Well think about this.

If you are dealing with jealousy, do you feel worthy of being loved even if you are laughing with a male friend? Are you able to enjoy yourself in every situation without fear of their fits of rage if they catch you? Are you able to reach out to every person that needs your help without feeling like you are doing something wrong just because they are a man?

You don't feel worthy of love. You don't feel worthy of being accepted and cared about. You don't feel trusted. And no matter your efforts, you will NEVER prove to him that you are worthy of his trust in you. You will never feel like you are good enough for him. You will never meet his high standards.

He has caged you. Caged your heart, emotions, and ultimately your soul. He has put shackles on your feet, and a weight in your heart. He is killed that beautiful song bird in you because you can no longer sing for everyone to hear.

Let's face it. You are going to come into contact with men in your life. They will say something funny and you will laugh. And that's OKAY!!! You will hug a man and that is OKAY!!! You might even talk to him about life and what is going on, that is OKAY too!!! Imagine that. *Sarcasm*

So here is a toast to my non-jealous man. My man who puts his trust in me 100%. Who doesn't care if I go to lunch with a guy friend because he needs to talk. Here is to my man who doesn't care if I smile at, laugh at, or joke around with other men.

Please raise your glass to the man who has set my heart free from shackles and pain. The man to opened the doors to my cage and encouraged me to sing. The man who has put his confidence in me in every situation.

Here is a toast to the man who taught me how to fly once again...