Thinking less of yourself...

Though she be but little, she is fierce.

I don't always feel that my life is anything spectacular. I sometimes feel like I am just a girl stuck in a rut of school and a full time job. I have a few close friends and people that I see on a regular basis. I am fairly upbeat on the outside but I wouldn't say I am that bubbly person that everyone always remembers. 

But yesterday I thought of something that was really mind boggling... 

I am a beautiful person.

Okay so maybe I haven't done anything super fantastic, I am not drop dead gorgeous, I am not going to go down in history for changing the world...

But I am beautiful.

And I was thinking this as I was walking through the camping section in Walmart with a cart full of pads.

Okay so let me give you some back story on that! I am going to the Dominican Republic to volunteer at a home for girl's who were rescued from sex trafficking. I am bringing down pads and bras for the girls.

So here I am in Walmart last night, with a cart full of about 350 pads, in the camping section trying to find a rain poncho. And oh boy let me tell you the looks that I got!

And I didn't care one bit. I was proud to be walking around with a cart of pads. I was proud of people staring at me. I was proud of the fact that I was blessing someone else's life.

And then I thought, why aren't we allowed to be proud of ourselves? Why aren't we allowed as women to look in the mirror and go, "Holy freaking cow, you look sexy today." Why don't we ever tell ourselves that we are good enough, or that what we are doing is pretty fantastic.

It is because as women we are taught to take up the least amount of space possible. We are taught that our beauty is to be admired by someone other than ourselves. And if we think we are beautiful we are stuck up and arrogant. We are taught that we have to be skinny and silent, that we shouldn't call attention to ourselves.

Well I am tired of it.

I am tired of being made to feel that I can't think I am beautiful. I am tired of being made to feel that I can't think I am awesome.

Because I need to work on my self-esteem. 

So you know what I did, I made a picture of myself my phone screen because I think I look really hot in it. And last night I proudly walked through Walmart with my basket of pads because I am going to the Dominican and I am doing something for someone else. Yeah I may not feel beautiful, yeah I may still feel like I am not doing enough with my life.

But just because I am a woman does not mean that I have to think less of myself than I really am.

And even as I write that everything in me is screaming that I am wrong to say that. I feel like I should say something to bring myself down. I feel like I should name my flaws so that you don't think I am bragging on myself.

But where in the Bible does it say, "Talk badly about yourself so that people do not think you are arrogant" or "Have a poor self-image so you are not prideful"?

I can think I am a beautiful person, I just can't act rudely to others. I can't think about myself higher than others, but that doesn't mean I can't think about myself at all.

Thanks for letting share my heart for today, I promise I am not trying to be prideful... 

Because thinking less of yourself is not the way to humility.

It is thinking of yourself less that is what makes you humble.