How can everything fall apart so suddenly? How can my world be ripped from under my feet in a matter of one sentence?
It is because I love deeply and now more than I have ever loved before.
And it has the possibility to kill me. It has power over me.
I feel sorry for Cody. Honestly and truly I do.
I am a train wreck. And then I try to get up and go again without taking time to put myself back together and I make a bigger wreck down the line.
I feel sorry for the mess that is my heart. Sometimes I fight off the person who loves me the most.
There is a dam inside my soul that has been holding all my tears for who knows how long now. And that dam is about to break and the waterfall of my heart is about to happen. And I am scared of it.
I am afraid I might not stop crying.
I am broken. I have broken people. I have made messes that I can't repair. I have hurt people that I can't heal. I have lost people I should have held onto and I have held onto people I should have let go of.
And now I have built a wall so high around my heart that even the one who loves me can't get inside.
And why? What benefit does that have? What good does that do me? None. It is more harmful than anything physical thing I could do to myself. It is a dagger in my own heart.
Barricading your heart against pain blocks out love too.
And for the walls around my heart, I say goodbye.
You have made me lose too much. It is time for you to go. Every single one of you.
I am knocking you down with my sledge hammer. I am tired of you. And if you try to rebuild yourself, I will knock you down again and again. I might fail, my heart my go into hiding. But not for long.
I have too much to offer the world to live in a tower.
I want to breathe. I want freedom.
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