When I grow up...

A woman asked a little boy what he wanted to be when he grew up.
"A benny."
"What's a benny?"
His mom said, "That's his name."

I saw this story on my timeline on Facebook this morning and it really hit me hard.

I have been struggling with how I want my life to look like in the future. Who do I want to be? What would I be happy with? What would I have to do and be to feel like I wasn't settling for a mediocre life? What would I have to be to be completely satisfied with myself?

You see, everyone always tells me that I am going to do great things, that I am going to change the world, that I am going to be someone awesome who changes a lot of lives.

But what if I don't? What if I live a normal life, raise children, love my husband, play taxi driver to soccer games and cheerleader meets? What if I volunteer at church once a month in the nursery where I get puked on everyday and not one of the kids remembers me? What if I die and my funeral is small and personal, no one writes books on my life, the only people that know I have passed are family and a few close friends?

Is that settling? What if I raise wonderful children who love the Lord with all their heart? What if I am able to love their friends and be a second mother to all of them? What if I am able to help my daughters save themselves for marriage and help my sons be respectful gentlemen? What if my life is a loving service to my husband who adores me and loves me until the day I die? What if I only change a handful of lives?

Will I be okay with that?

Yes.

Why?

Because my life is mine. And if that is what I decide is changing the world, then I am still making a difference. No one can look at my life and say that I have settled if I am completely happy with how I have lived my life.

Yes I want to have adventures. Yes I want to travel the world and touch lives. Yes I want to write books and speak to millions of girls.

But will one book that they read and one person that they listen to really change their life? Or would I be changing more lives if I choose instead to dedicate everything I have to every person that comes into my life?

These are the questions that keep me up at night. Everyone says I am special, but what if my special is "smaller" than what people see for me?

What if my adventures are the daily grind, figuring out how to juggle sleep, and football games and ballet recitals? What if my adventures are going on family vacations with my doting husband and my screaming crazy kids?

Will I be okay with that?

Yes.

Why?

Because what do I want to be when I grow up?

I want to be a Chiarra.