To be honest...

Life sucks.
People suck.
Being an adult is harder than it looks.
Buying a car is a long hard overwhelming process.
The past will never fully be in the past.
I hate fake people.
I don't like toothpaste.
I like to kiss men who taste like mint.
I used to kiss any and everyone.
I didn't kiss anyone for 18 years.
I have kissed 7 people.
I hate all but 2 of them.
I hate my first kiss.
I have never been romantically movie-worthy kissed.
I am not sure how I feel about that.
Some days I get really depressed.
I hate distance.
I HATE goodbyes. If you are moving or leaving, I would rather not say goodbye.
I lose friends because of that.
I am an introvert.
I hate making plans with people.
I want to visit all 7 continents before I die.
One day I want to be kissed in a waterfall.
I have hurt many people in my time.
I hate how cigarettes smell.
I hate people talking about me behind my back.
But I actually don't care anymore.
I like when boys smell nice.
I love hugs.
I love my dad's hugs.
No one in the world hugs like him.
I haven't hugged my dad in months.
I get mad really easily.
I hate getting Christmas gifts.
But I love getting things for Valentine's Day and my birthday.
I didn't realize that my birthday was so important until I didn't celebrate it last year.
2012 was a year of heartbreak and leaning.
2013 was a year from Hades.
2014 hasn't been any better so far.
But I am happy.
I don't know why I am happy.
I don't know why I haven't broken down yet.
I think I am refusing to deal with things because I am tired of being sad.
I never take care of myself.
I worry about everyone else's happiness more than my own.
I don't ever worry about my happiness.
I am working on things.
I am slow at it.
I don't believe in myself.
I don't think I will ever be good enough.
I worry that I am not leaving a big enough impact on the world.
I worry that I will die and it won't matter.
Will I regret my life?
Do I make a difference?

I love myself.
Sometimes.
But this is who I am.
And to be honest...
I love being a mess.