Are you beautiful?

I hate my body. I hate that I used to be so skinny. I hate that people hated me for being small. I hate that I had to wear shorts that were taken in and shirts that were big so you couldn't see my deformed ribs. And I really do mean that my ribs have a deformity. I hated it. I hated everyone who was normal.

Even now, I don't like my body. I am still considered skinny by 90% of the population. But now I have stretch marks and a little bit of something something on my hips. And people still hate me. My body is not perfect as it once was...but then maybe it is better? Yeah, I sure don't think so. Long gone are the days of eating whatever I want and putting on no weight. Now I am 120 pounds and I still feel awkward. I feel fat...and wish I could go to the gym every day.

And again I bet 90% of the population hates me for saying any of this. 120 pounds is really nothing. But for a girl who struggled to even have 100 pounds on her bones, that is a lot for me. It is different.

And no matter what, people are going to hate my body.

Either they will hate I am skinny, or they will hate that I am fat. No one is happy.

So forget them. I should have been nicer to myself when I was younger. I should have been taught that I was more than how skinny I was. I should have looked myself in the mirror every single day and said, "You are beautiful."

Cause you see, whether I have zits everywhere or my makeup is on point, I am beautiful.

It has nothing to do with how I look in a swim suit. It has nothing to do with what a scale says.

I am healthy. I eat. I sometimes exercise. I am sure I could take better care of myself and I am aware of that.

But again, I do not need to weigh less than anyone in my family, I do not need to weigh less than anyone in the world.

I need to weigh Chiarra's weight.

Because I am beautiful. Just how I am.

And I wish that we would teach our girls that they are beautiful. And I think we need to start from when they are first able to speak.

I want my daughter to know that no matter what she looks like on the outside, she is beautiful.

I don't want her reaching age 20 and having an identity crisis because she suddenly put on enough weight to look normal.

(Photo Credit To: Kenny Kerns Photography)