The crying did not stop there...

You know when something is set up by God? When you walk into your physical therapist appointment and they tell you that you need to go somewhere else for help because they don't specialize in "that." They wouldn't even say the word sex... But they know a person who does and they will get the referral sent over to your doctor to send in again for this new place.

And you walk into this new place.... And are immediately put to ease by your therapist. She asked me questions and wanted the honest answers, no matter how crude or awkward it was. She wanted the truth... She was willing to talk about the hard things that you have been wanting to talk about with someone who could help you for so long... She wanted to know my pain and struggle... She encouraged crying and feeling everything that came with finding healing.

But you know how I really know that God had His hand in this?

She tells me that she was once committed to someone very dear to her that was on a submarine. Those were her exact words. I thought I would start crying right then because immediately she knew my struggles and my pain. She understood what it meant when I said our only communication is through "emails." She just got it when I said that I didn't want to put anything personal cause I never know who is reading. She instantly knew.

And that does not happen. Let me tell you....it is hard for people to get this life, impossible for you to understand fully unless you have walked in these shoes what it is like.

It is a constant sore spot in my life when it comes to talking to people about it... It is hard for me to explain without feeling that I am complaining, to convey truly how difficult every day of my life is... This is not just the regular military where they go on deployments then they are home, maybe gone for a month of training before they deploy again... No. Not this. This is they are home maybe a total of 5 months each year. Total, meaning that is broken up into a weekend here, a week here, maybe a month if you get lucky (more like the boat breaks and they are forced to stay).

And when you are having painful sex...that schedule is hell. There is no time for anything. There is no time to try and work through things and feelings and thoughts. There is no time to sit down and take a good few weeks to discuss your heart and where you want to be.

So when you are already feeling the fear and terror that your marriage might crumble....take into consideration that you cannot fix it. You cannot work on it continually. You have a day here and a week here and hope that the bandaid that you applied will last until you can replace it.

And for someone who is going to be working through such a tough process and deep healing with you... For her to just get it and not have to go into all that and explain all of that....

Heaven. Send.

Then she goes on to discuss why most people have this problem. It is all about the muscles, not a faulty body. How women carry our stress in certain places and it completely takes a toll on us. She asked if I was in pain at that moment. I said, yeah my back is always a bit off, her response, I can tell you are carrying a lot on you because of the way you are sitting.

Then she walks me through a treatment plan...saying what she would like to work on and work through with me. Then she tells me, if all that doesn't work....I have something else to try. It isn't covered by your insurance but it is only $50 up front and that is it. I have other options, and I will help you, I can help you. This is a problem that we can fix, not something that is permanently wrong with you. I have written a whole book on the matter, I can help, I promise you.

I started crying....

Sitting there in her front room, crying. Just met the woman and I am crying in her office. What? Who am I? I don't do that very often... I don't cry with strangers!

But here I am, crying in her office.

Now mind you, there is still skepticism in the back of my mind, I have had my hopes up before and that didn't go well. At all. But I am slowly see more and more light...

And the crying did not stop there....